Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Ogiame Atuwatse III: The New Face of Tradition  

I was hosted at the magnificent palace of the graceful monarch in Warri last week. I had gone to present my new coffee table book in which he contributed the directional essay and was also nominated alongside his Olori to the power list of 100 Nigerians who wield tremendous power and influence.

The Ogiame’s entry did not come to me as a surprise – 50 prominent Nigerians, including Prof. Konyinsola Ajayi, SAN, Magnus Onyibe and Dakuku Peterside, among others, were the ones who made the nominations.

Ogiame has retooled the dying and increasingly irrelevant traditional institution in our country. With a rash of “funny” monarchies – I even learnt that in Delta State, one tribe has 17. That is one king for about one street, and it’s even worse when you come to the South-west. What you get is a watered-down institution, a vulnerable tool for wicked political leadership, all leading to a general loss of respect for the institution and its custodians. The only thing that is making us still fear some of them is the “juju” that we feel is still very potent; other than that, we see them as the next boxer in Oshodi market-forgive me, it’s the truth.

But Ogiame, with his looks, his grace, his carriage, his colours and his abiding love for his people and Nigeria, stands out. His youth allows him to connect with his people; his charisma and ever-willingness to engage make him the new face of our traditional stools.

This is why we reached out to His Majesty for the directional essay in a book that curates visionary leadership as the new elixir for national rediscovery, and he did not disappoint, as he dropped a super brilliant essay.

As expected, my reception was grand, with his chiefs in attendance. I greeted him in the traditional way, thanked him for his involvement, explained the purpose and showed him his caricature, which engaged him; in response, he also thanked me and gave me his own coffee table book, which was released on the occasion of his 5th anniversary.

Let me seize this opportunity to thank my adopted uncle, Chief Eugene Ikomi, without whom the visit would never have been possible. I loved the palace, loved what his majesty wore, and I must really send my love to his designer, tailor and dry cleaner, because they make the Ogiame look very resplendent.      

Emmanuel Uduaghan: A Different Kind of Passing

As I touched down in Warri from the Air Peace flight, my phone buzzed. It was Barrister Ikomi: “Make sure you go greet Amaju, him in-law just died.”

In-law, in this case, being the former two-term Governor of Delta State, Emmanuel Uduaghan. 

Uduaghan is a cousin of my big Oga, Chief James Ibori; he too was a two-term Governor of Delta State, and also with big businessman Dere Otubu, and Uduaghan’s wife is Amaju Pinnick’s sister, and all four are my very close friends and benefactors.

These four have touched my life in ways I will not mention on this page, and this made my visit for condolences critical. So, I headed straight to Amaju’s palatial house in Warri GRA, and there he was sitting with a group of very fine old men, and I said, “I come greet you for your in-law wey pass.”

He responded: “You wan drink?” And I said, “Abeg no vex, give me drink wey I go present to Ogiame as I no go fit afford the kind drink wey go befit am.”

“Go jo, Ogiame na modern King and he like you, go empty handed, you just want collect drink go Lagos.”

Chief Uduaghan had spoken to me only once in his meritorious life, and I will recount here. I had been invited into a WhatsApp group by Chike Ogeah – we dey fight now – and the group was administered and founded by eternal beauty, Alero, who was a colleague at Magnum Trust. But Alero ran the group with Decree 4, as she would just delete anything that didn’t follow the vision of the group. That is how, every time, Alero would delete my chat, and I was getting frustrated, and she would keep deleting, and one time suspended me. I pretended to beg, and she put me back, and I dropped a nude picture, and she kuku kicked me out. Now, this group is not a small group, as huge and famous people belong there, but somehow almost everyone feared Alero and didn’t come up in my defence when I was expelled.

Anyways, as I was out of the group licking my wounds, Chief Uduaghan called, “Duke of Shomolu, why Alero comot you for the group?” he asked.

“I no know o, make she carry her ‘yamayama’ group go,” I replied as I was still pained by her actions. 

“Oya make I go beg am for you,” he offered. 

“Your Excellency, leave am make I dey go, God go bless me with my own group, make she carry her group go, I go soon form my own,” I said, and we laughed it off. He invited me over anytime I was in the neck of his woods.

This was a life well-lived, a kind and gentle soul who refused to give me money when I was taking my play to Warri. 

“Duke, you get money pass me, I no give,” he once told me, and I replied, “Dem don tell me say you go dodge and true true you dodge. 

“When you come, come chop banga,” he said, and I responded: “I no come, Your Excellency,” and I didn’t go. He was my friend from afar, a great guy.

Segun Sowunmi: Political Opportunism Taken Too Far

Never heard of this one before, until my brother Seun Oloketuyi launched his book and put us on the same panel. He was introduced as a PDP man, and I wondered at his courage in coming into a den of APC stalwarts.

After the event, the man walked up to me and tried to engage on issues. He was “breath challenged”, if you know what I mean, so I cringed and moved away.

So, you can imagine my surprise when he morphed into the APC and found himself in a certain committee from where he just spewed sacrilege. He was quoted as saying that anyone who releases results that are not official will go to jail like MKO Abiola.

You see why Tundun Abiola called me the other day in apparent dismay at how the documentary on her father’s martyrdom was being treated – sycophantic adulation.

This Segun person, according to this report, has just written his name into the book of political infamy because of a bowl of porridge. His lack of principled decency should be warded away from the holy grail that is MKO and his place in Nigerian history. He can go ahead and lick the backside of his new masters, but he should not drag MKO into this leprosy journey. A journey only those who do not know their fathers trod. A shameful exposition which must be condemned very strongly by all right-thinking democrats. A very silly thing to say and do.

Omoyele Sowore: Brilliant, Go for It

Reports suggest that the presidential candidate of the AAC, Omoyele Sowore, has written to the Presidency seeking permission to use the Aso Rock Banquet Hall to launch his presidential bid. He also asked that food and drinks be provided for the 5,000 people he is expecting. He hinged his request on the one that APC made at the same venue and which was most likely funded by the public.

A brilliant request that has my full support, abeg. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. After all, it is our collective wealth and the president and his people are meant to be temporary custodians, so if, in their wisdom, they feel it is perfectly ok to utilise public utility and public funds as insinuated by this Sowore’s request, then they must provide a level playing field for all.

The Presidency will grant this request when hell freezes over, but it is still very good to ask and be a constant irritant in their buttocks.

Oya, let’s see if the president will play the statesman and grant this request – we go wait tire as they say it in Shomolu.

Wale Babalakin: Finally, Let Me Breathe

This gentleman is my big Oga, senior friend and major benefactor. I met him through the 70-year-old Macalabi, and since then, he has taken me in as an aburo. I will visit him during major Muslim festivals at his home. We will talk, and he will warn me – do not publish this, and I will say yes sir.

What has kept me from breaking this simple rule is the array of food that he usually spreads each time I find myself in the house. All sorts o. Dodo, rice, efo riro, amala, eba, salad and nice wine to wash it down. So, when he gives me the gentle warning, I will stare at the spread and humbly say, “Yes, sir.”

But with this settlement of the 18-year wahala with the federal government, I think I will risk my access and write this one. Let me quickly congratulate Bi-Courtney, where my Oga is the Chairman, and the Federal Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo, for calmly putting heads together to resolve this long-running feud. This solution will return public confidence in doing business with the government; it will also ramp up federal government’s revenues and better position Bi-Courtney to achieve its corporate goals on the transaction.

Well done, sir, and God will continue to bless you with long life and good health.  

Babajide Sanwo-Olu: Sacrifices Needed

This matter of Otedola Bridge has now reached an alarming state. The number of accidents on that bridge is crazy. Just a few days ago, another big tanker carrying diesel fell off. It caught flames and burnt to ashes with the driver believed to have lost his life.

This is one too many, as the bridge has now become very, very notorious for accidents. This one is the latest in a scary series with its attendant loss of lives and property.

Experts have deduced many causes, like overspeeding, poor maintenance of the trucks, structural defects on the bridge itself and many more.

Whatever needs to be done, including making sacrifices to the gods that control that area, must be done so that this carnage stops. That stretch is very critical to the economic well-being of the nation, as it is the main trunk that flows into and out of Lagos, which is the main economic melting pot of the nation.

What has to be done must be done, and very urgently so. Thanks.

Reno Omokri: Viva Mexico

Before I wrote this piece, I quickly asked AI the meaning before Reno comes and scatters me with big grammar. So, AI says Viva Mexico means “Long Live Mexico”. Yes, that is what I really want to capture with this piece as we dash them Reno.

You see, Nigeria has so many very brilliant people that we can be dashing to other countries to assist them, and this is what we have done with Reno. Reno is so brilliant, so meticulous and a very strong orator. He is fearless and bold and will be very instructive as Mexico battles all the problems that they have.

This was the argument that must have broken the impasse because I learnt that it took them over eight months to accept Reno. They must have seen his “Asiwaju is a drug baron” footage and said a big NO. How can we accept someone like that, but thankfully common sense has prevailed, as they must have been sent more recent footage of him wearing an agbada and trying to be more Yoruba than the Ooni of Ife.

Anyway, I congratulate Mexico for finally coming to their senses and accepting one of the most brilliant human beings in the world into their fold.

Please, they should give him full citizenship, make him their NDLEA chairman and give him his own emirate – make he just dey there forever; we can cope without him.

Also, dear Mexico, we still have many more to send if you need o – Asari, Bwala, Dapo Abiodun, too many to mention; just ask, and we will do the needful. Thank you.

Samuel Perry: One More Life

Samuel is the popular actor, skit maker, and comedian who recently almost lost his life. He had apparently gone for an “activation” in Ogun State and ended up catching a stray bullet in his thighs. Wow! Just like that o, a bullet found him in a car and lodged itself in his thighs.

He obviously went into oblivion as he struggled for his life. He refused to let Nigeria happen to him as he finally found himself in Dubai, where he got excellent medical attention.

He is back in the country and has just released a YouTube clip on his ordeal, and we thank the Lord for him. This was massive. We thank God.

Owen Omogiafo: Goes to School

Shebi we all read that book, ‘Eze Goes to School?’ Well, Owen is now going to school. Owen is the extremely brilliant Group Managing Director at Transcorp Group, the multi-trillion naira investment group with interests spanning tourism, hospitality, power and the rest.

Owen has built a brilliant career starting from Accenture, passing through the Heirs Holding Group, and finally berthing at Transcorp, joining the very elite group of female CEOs running multi-trillion naira corporations listed on the NGX.

She has been listed to speak at the inaugural session of the Duke’s Masterclass and would be sharing the podium with such greats like Chief Emeka Anyaoku, the former Commonwealth Secretary-General, among others, but she is squeezing in a quick refresher course at Harvard, which will see her come back with much more vigour and intellectual energy.

This is just to say well done, my sister and may you keep soaring. Amen.