Alausa, please take more steps

Minister of Education Dr. Tunji Alausa’s announcement last Wednesday, that the federal government has approved a policy prohibiting recipients of honorary degrees from using the “Dr” prefix, must be only the first step in curbing Nigerians’ wild affinity for academic, social, marital, professional, traditional, aristocratic, religious, herbal and political titles of all hues. Alausa said the policy became necessary following concerns over the increasing misuse and politicisation of honorary doctorates, and that it is aimed at safeguarding academic integrity, restoring public confidence in university awards and addressing the growing abuse and commercialisation of honorary degrees.

Very good. My question is, is it only academic integrity that needs protection in Nigeria? How about social, political and even religious integrity? In the First Republic, members of Parliament were addressed as Honourables while the Prime Minister, Regional Premiers and Speakers were addressed as “Right Honourables.” During the long years of military rule in this country, the Head of State and all the state military governors were addressed as their Excellencies. Nigerian ambassadors abroad as well as foreign envoys in Nigeria are also addressed as their Excellencies. In the North, His Royal Highness is used to address emirs and chiefs, while His Eminence is reserved for the Sultan of Sokoto. In the South, His Majesty is more commonly used to address Obas and Obis, including Alaafin, Ooni, Olubadan, Awujale, Soun, Olu and Ataoja.

Once upon a time, the highest title in Nigeria was “Sir,” i.e. a person knighted by the British Queen with a KCMG [Knight Commander of Saint Michael and Saint George]. They included Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, Sir Ahmadu Bello, Sir Kashim Ibrahim, Sir Aderemi Adesoji, Sir Adetokunbo Ademola, Sir Darnley Alexander, Sir Francis Akanu Ibiam, Sir Abubakar III, Sir Usman Nagogo and Sir Mobolaji Bank-Anthony. I still do not know why Queen Elizabeth did not confer KCMG on Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe and Chief Obafemi Awolowo.

Four decades ago in this country, apart from military and police titles, the only titles we knew were Mister, Miss, Mrs., Malam, Alhaji and Chief. The only clerical titles then were Father, Pastor, Deacon, Archbishop and Cardinal. Religious revivalism in the North in the 1970s brought other titles such as Uztaz, Alaranma, Sheikh and Khalifa. Other major religious titles are Evangelist, Baba Aladura, General Overseer and Satguru Maharaji. Beginning from the prosperous days of the 1970s, we had a Mazi [S.G. Ikoku], an Ogbuefi [Alex Nwokedi], a Wantaregh [Paul Unongo], an Obong [Victor Attah] and an Olorogun [Felix Ibru]. In Yorubaland, we had a Bashorun [M.K.O. Abiola] and an Aare Ona Kakanfo [MKO]. There were a few Otunbas [Segun Osoba and my dear friend Olusegun Runsewe]. There was a High Chief [Gabriel Akin-Deko], a Baba Addini [Wahab Iyanda Folawiyo] and an Aare Musulmi [Abdul-Azeez Aresikola Alao]. We also had an Owelle [Nnamdi Azikiwe and Rochas Okorocha], a Da [Jacob Gyang Buba], an Akasoba [Zainab Duke-Abiola], many Oloris and a King [Alfred Diete-Spiff].

However, the only titles that suggested a man’s profession were Doctor and Professor. A doctor was a medical doctor, a veterinary doctor or a PhD holder, while professor suggested that a person has risen to the top of an academic career. That was then. The first time I ever heard someone use a title to describe a professional other than a doctor was in Enugu in 1982. I tuned in to the state radio and it mentioned “the Deputy Governor of Anambra State, Engineer Roy Umenyi.” I at first wondered if “Engineer” was a queer English name such as Farmer, Hunter, Seaman or Cook. Not long after I heard about Engr. Roy Umenyi [inventor of the ogbunigwe gun], Nigerian engineers of all hues took to using the title before their names. Because engineers got away with it, pharmacists took after them. We began to see names with “Pharm” preceding them. The title “Dr.” became confusing not only because honourary degree recipients used it, but herbalists also began to use it. The biggest herbalists even adopted the title “Prof.”

Architects soon joined the fray, affixing “Arch” to their names. They got a big boost in 1992 with having a governor, Architect Kabiru Gaya. The habit spread far and fast. One day I opened a newspaper and saw a man addressed as “Surv.” so-and-so. He was the Surveyor General of the Federation. Not long afterwards, I saw another man addressed as “Stats.” so-and-so because he was Statistician General of Nigeria. Since I also took Statistics courses and I know things such as mean, mode, median, standard deviation, normal distribution, Bell curve and confidence interval, I might soon add “Stats.” to my very short name.

One day I saw “Bldr” as a prefix to a Nigerian name, meaning he was a Builder. I was amazed; the men who built Taj Mahal, Bhurj Khalifa, Kremlin palace, Great Pyramid of Giza or even the Great Wall of China, did they call themselves “Builder”? With all the building collapses that we are experiencing in Nigeria, I thought a man should be ashamed to call himself Builder.

All the deep potholes that adorn Nigerian roads and all the Nigerian bridges that lack railings have not discouraged anyone from attaching the prefix Engineer to his name. I was amazed that anyone will call himself a Statistician in Nigeria when nobody believes the food price figures dished out by the National Bureau of Statistics. Nigerians sneer when they hear NBS figures of a measure of corn, and they don’t want to hear anything about Composite Index.

In the 1990s, I attended a seminar in Kaduna and a fellow paper presenter was addressed as “Consultant” so-and-so. At first I thought he was a consultant surgeon. I later heard that he was a freelance media consultant. “Comrade,” once used only by Communist Party members, is now used by every labour unionist and every human rights activist.

Then we have Honourables. Every local government chairman and councilor, every member of a state assembly and House of Representatives, every commissioner, every minister, special adviser and special assistant is an Honourable. In fact, anyone who once held the office and anyone who is aspiring to get any of those offices, immediately becomes an Honourable. Never mind that the conduct of many of these men and women is Dishonourable, to say the least. A lot of their conduct is injurious to the public treasury, to election laws, to civil service rules, to parliamentary ethics, to cultural norms and sometimes even to the human spirit.

Senators address themselves as Distinguished. A man who did not attend Senate sittings for the constitutionally prescribed minimum number of days is still called Distinguished. For that matter, a man who sat through the entire Senate session without sponsoring a bill or moving a motion is still Distinguished. Then there are the Excellencies. The President, Vice President, governors, deputy governors and ambassadors are accorded this title, evidently the highest in the Nigerian pyramid of ridiculous titles. A man who has not done anything excellent is still addressed as His Excellency.

Judges of High, Appeal and Supreme courts are all addressed as My Lord, even when they muddle up party registration and election cases and hand down slap on the wrist judgments to people who stole mega billions.  Of all the titles we inherited from the colonial era, My Lord is the one that sounds most strange to the African ear, since God is the Lord.

The way we are going, very soon, criminals will hand out business cards with their honorific titles. We already have a Billionaire Kidnapper [Evans]. Very soon, we will have a Bandit Bello Turji; Terrorist Abubakar Shekau; Insurgent Albarnawi; and even a Rapist as an honourary title affixed to a name.

The problem I see for Dr. Tunji Alausa is that the Presidency is not helping his effort to reduce the title craze in Nigeria. Late last week, Secretary to the Government of the Federation George Akume’s office issued a statement saying the President should be officially addressed as “His Excellency, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, GCFR, President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, Federal Republic of Nigeria.” Diaris God o! Why can’t we save newspaper space and ink and reduce radio and TV airwave time by saying President Bola Tinubu?

Why do the Brits say King Charles III, and not his full title His Imperial Majesty Charles Phillip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor, By the Grace of God King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Canada and the British Dominions Beyond the Seas, Supreme Governor of the Church of England and Head of the Commonwealth of Nations? Why does the Vatican say Pope Leo XIV instead of his full title in the Annuario Pontificio, His Holiness Pope Leo XIV, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Patriarch of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City, and Servant of the Servants of God?

Oga Alausa, please unroll more measures to curb Nigerians’ affinity for titles.